Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
