one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
