i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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