So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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