You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
