How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
