so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
