Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
