We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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