She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
