You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yo dont text me then not text me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
