if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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