In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
