did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
