You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
