We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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