Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
