I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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