:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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