If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
