You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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