Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
