How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
