I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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