You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
