Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I stole a fireplace last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
