if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I just went to clothing optional bar
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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