the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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