question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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