Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
