my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This baby is an asshole
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
