I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
