I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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