Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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