I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
