fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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