So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
