I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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