3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
