you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
