Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
