I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize