Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
