I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
