Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
