We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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