a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
