Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
