the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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