It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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