oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
