I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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