i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Houston, we have a squirter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
