So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
