I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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