this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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