drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
