Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she looked like the before picture.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize