So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
