tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
