so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
