We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
