the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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