Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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