my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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