I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
