Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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