conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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