i was born a porn star she said
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
