He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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