The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
