Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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