you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
